I've been meaning to write an update and a thank you to everyone who has given us their support.
Court went well. The restraining order was extended for a further 90 days with many stipulations. He is allowed to have telephone or email contact with us and allowed to be in our presence under certain circumstances, such as during counseling, this was one of the stipulations. But last week our family counselor dumped us. She said that his personal therapist will not work with her at all, and that she can't move forward, or know what to do without some knowledge of where he is at with his therapy. His therapist has also told my lawyer that she doesn't want to work with me, or have anything to do with the court either. And it's not like it's my husband who is dragging his feet on this one, he has given her his written consent and authorized her to speak to the family therapist and court. In fact one of the stipulations is that he won't get back into the home unless his personal therapist says that he is safe to do so, or in the case of divorce, he will need her to vouch for his safety to get visitation with the kids. So she's hurting him more than she is me, but since I had hoped that at the very least we could learn to be civil around each other, I am upset that we can't move forward with the family therapy.
She also said something that frightened me. She said that during their private sessions my husband has said some things that leads her to believe that he should not be in the home or anywhere near me. Because she can't talk to his therapist, she doesn't know if he is involved in any type of counseling for anger management, and that he is very impulsive when he is angry, and does what he feels like doing in the heat of the moment without considering the consequences. She is worried that I might say things during our sessions that will anger him, and he might have enough impulse control in front of her, but what happens after we leave? She thinks he might come after me and attack me if he is angry enough. That's why she can't be our counselor anymore, because she doesn't want to be responsible for that, and doesn't think we belong in counseling. We simply don't belong anywhere near each other and without the knowledge of where he is at with his personal counseling, we might never belong anywhere near each other.
He's still acting weird too. Sometimes he is so nice that I begin to believe he's back to his old self, other times he is playing head games and being vengeful. He's still playing games with money so that I'm never sure if we will have money for groceries and bills or not. Since there is a court order though, we aren't eligible for food stamps and are depending on him to pay up on time. He's skipped a couple of weeks and explained that since he has to pay the mortgage he didn't have enough for that week and that I'll just have to ask my family for help, and to budget better. The other times, our bills were the excuse too, for being late with the money and giving me only $100 for the week. I'm doing the best I can with what I've got, and can't thank those of you who have sent money through my paypal enough. You got me through some rough times and I was able to get what we need because of your help.
And...you helped me in another way you don't even know about yet. Nearly 25 years ago my father had a bout with cancer. He went through the chemo and radiation and it kicked his ass, but he was a tough one, and went into remission. Since then he's had skin cancer several times, each time it's caught early and removed. He goes every year for a thorough physical at his doctors office. This year they did a full body scan, I'm not sure what that means, but whatever it is, they found out he has cancer again. He has an aggressive lymphoma and has 6 tumors, one about the size of a tennis ball on his small intestine. He has to go through the chemo and radiation again, and he's not so tough anymore, he's in his mid 60s and diabetic. They are only giving him a 50/50 chance that it will work. If it doesn't work, he only has a few months to live. Anyway, without your help, I wouldn't have been able to go visit my father. I was there last weekend to spend some time with him and let him know that I love him. Thanks so much for giving me that opportunity.
I do have a bit of good news. I've had some of my meds switched, I ran out of Robaxin a few weeks back and didn't have the chance to get it refilled for a few days, and there was no difference. I told my doctor this and since it's not doing anything we dropped that med, and I was put on Flexeril instead. That one is working! Both meds are muscle relaxants, and I was so stressed out that the muscles in my back were in knots. Seriously, you would think I work out if you felt the muscles in my back because they are so hard. The Flexeril loosened that up, and since it was causing some of my pain, the pain has come down a few notches. I'm not pain-free, but I am doing much better. It is such a relief to be able to do something like laundry, without worrying that I will cause a flare up that will have me laid up in bed crying from the pain for days. I am so happy to be able to move around without that terrible pain all the time. The rest of my life might be a train wreck but at least I've got that!
Thank you again to everyone. Thanks for all the prayers, kind words, and donations to keep us going. I never wanted to ask for financial help because I always thought that my husband needs to take care of his family. He should love his children enough to do right by them and should be ashamed that I have to go begging to my family, friends, or the state to provide for us. He has no shame though. He hates me more than he loves our kids. I do still need as much help as any of you can give, I just can't count on my husband to take care of us, and right now I have less than $30 and that will need to go in my gas tank which is close to empty. After that, I got nothing for anything else we might need. The only good thing about this is that after the 90 days is up, this will look really bad for him, and hopefully the court won't just order support, but will garnish his wages so that he can't play his games with me anymore.
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